We've all had a crush on someone at some point in our lives, I know i've certainly had a few, so I soon recognized that
feeling when I saw myself as Lisbet in a dream, with a big crush on a boy who was slightly older than her.
no idea where this boy came from, he was just there, and I've seen him in my dreams and my meditations.
As a man in
my present life, it's not easy trying to express my feelings for a boy in my past-life. Although I'm completely heterosexual
in this life, the feelings I have for this boy in my dreams and meditations are very real, and they feel perfectly normal.
I even wake up sometimes, with that fuzzy, glowing feeling still there, and I just lay there and enjoy it for a few moments
before it goes, and i'm back to being "me" again.
Here's an extract from my journal of my first memory of this boy.
I have yet to remember what his name is:
am with a boy, and he is taking me somewhere to show me something. We are holding hands, I know he likes me, and I like him.
We walk through a wood, the sun is shining through the trees and glistening on a pond away to our left. We soon leave the
wood and come out into a clearing. The boy points and says "Esto es kerer" (sic) this is how it sounds to me as myself, but
Lisbet seems to understand him. Before me is a scene of natural beauty, rolling hills and fields, all different shades of
yellow and green.
We stand there for a while taking in the scenery, when I suddenly become aware of the boy 'looking
at me'. I say nothing, I pretend I haven't noticed but I can feel myself going very shy. The boy moves round in front of me
and tries to look in my eyes, I continue to look at the ground, my shoulders swaying backwards and forwards. With one hand
he lifts my chin to face him, and with the other hand he gently pushes my hair back from my face and then he kisses me on
my lips. I can feel myself blushing, I'm a bit taken aback, I've never been kissed like that before. I look back down to the
ground, letting my long black hair fall down to cover my reddened face.
|A necklace similar to the one Lisbet received.
He then pulls a folded up piece of cloth from his shirt
pocket. He unwraps it and inside is a small teardrop shaped piece of amber with a small white flower set inside of it, made
into a necklace with a piece of black string. He says "Honto para see empay" (sic) and ties the necklace around my neck. I
love it, I smile and give him a peck on the cheek....end
I wake up feeling very strange, I've just experienced a romantic
moment with a boy! but I don't like boys, or men, "in that way", I'm feeling very confused by all of these feelings, which
to me, shouldn't feel normal, but they do. I'm also very intrigued by the different language I heard. I didn't understand
it, I didn't know what language it was, maybe Spanish or Italian? But those two phrases, when I heard them they were kind
of amplified and they stuck in my mind, Lisbet understood it, but I couldn't?"
Those two phrases
were translated for me by someone who didn't know about the story behind them, so I was left speechless when I found
out that "Esto es kerer" was probably "Esto es querer", which means "This is love". And "Honto
para see empay" was "Juntos para siempre" which means "together for always". In the context of my dream,
those phrases fit in perfectly, an awesome validation for me personally, I had never experienced anything like this before,
in my present life, I cannot speak a word of Spanish.
I heard those Spanish phrases as though they had been amplified,
as if they had been etched into my subconsciousness. This memory was amongst the most vivid, and I can still remember
it clearly, it still means a lot to me now.
I often wonder if the boy will keep his word. He said we would be together
for always. He may still be alive today, but if he has come back, then will he make a reappearance in my present life? I hope
so, but if he does, I'm hoping he has come back this time as a female!! tehehe!!
Here is another one of my memories
of our time together:
".....In the dream I am
Lisbet, and I am walking down a natural pathway. To my right there is open fields and hills, and to my left there is a brook,
overgrown with weeds and other plant life. I get some way down the path, and I can see the boy (I wish I could remember his
name) We greet each other with a smile, then we continue walking along the path, holding hands. I'm aware that I'll be in
big trouble if my father finds out that we've been seeing each other. I'm still "Papi's little girl"...and boys are strictly
We reach the end of the path, and the brook ends in a 'pool' of water, which is quite deep, but
not very big. I'm really fascinated by this pool of water for some reason, I crouch down and I can see my reflection in it.
I look a bit closer, and I can see tiny frogspawn attached to some rock, but disappointingly, there are no frogs.
boy is standing right behind me, I get up, and it's like he's deliberately positioned himself so that we're facing each other,
our faces almost touching as I get up. I feel a bit awkward and shy, I know he wants to kiss me, and I want him to, but I'm
a bit worried about it..I kind of 'slide' myself underneath and away from him.
We carry on walking, and come out into
a clearing. I can see big 'blocks' of something (I think it was hay, or something similar) These blocks are about 2 feet cubed
in size, and there are lots of them. We continue in to the clearing and there are some ruins of a building, looks like it
used to be a house, but all that's left are the foundations. I walk round and I can make out where the rooms and the walls
used to be. This also fascinates me for some reason, I get a strong feeling for the family that must have lived there once,
even though I don't have a clue who they were. (Maybe a past-life memory... within a past-life memory?...how cool would that
After spending a while in the ruins, we have an idea, and begin making a pretend 'house' out of the blocks of
hay. By the time we've finished, it looks very impressive. There's a small entrance, which we had to crouch down and crawl
in on our hands and knees, and there's room inside for us to both sit comfortably...It feels very cozy in there together.
We sit together in our "house" for a long time, he has his arm around me, and I'm snuggled up to him, with my head on his
chest, and my arm around his waist. It's not too long before I get the feeling that he wants to kiss me again. I'd really
like for us to kiss, but I'm worried that if we do, then i'll be pregnant....lolol....Unfortunately, that's where the dream
ends, so I never found out if Lisbet 'got pregnant'...lol"
|Another little girl who reminds me of Lisbet
There was never a serious relationship between Lisbet and the boy, she was far too young for that, although back in those
days, and in that culture, age didn't seem to matter so much. Lisbet was at an age where she was probably just beginning to
discover her sexuality, an exciting time for her.
With little to choose from in terms of boyfriends, I wonder if Lisbet
and her boyfriend would have remained together. My guess is that they would have, they were certainly very smitten with each
We're in the village (Guamote I think) for market day. I can
see our cart, and the side of it is like a hinged flap that opens sideways. Papi is selling various things that we've brought
from the farm back home. I can see eggs, two large glass containers filled with a red liquid that looks as if it could be
wine I think, some bananas and another green fruit which there doesn't appear to be much in the way of.
I'm far too bored to stay with Papi and the cart, so I
ask if I can go for a walk around the market, to which Papi agrees, as long as I don't wander too far, and i'm not gone for
too long he says.
I remember it being a very hot day. I walk up and down the rows
of different stalls, looking at the vendors sitting by their benches and carts, laden with all kinds of different things,
like leather sandals on one, another has baskets of fruit. I can see several goats and two or three pigs in a small pen in
the corner. There is a stall full of different cheeses, I can smell the cheese and an old lady with a weathered face holds
out a tray and offers me a small piece. I look up at her shyly and take some, she has a big smile on her face, I say nothing
and hunch up my shoulders and smile back at her before moving on to see if I can get any more freebies.
I walk a bit further on, when suddenly the boy who I have a
huge crush on jumps out in front of me. He has seen me coming and decided to hide. He jumped out from between the stalls and
startled me. He hands me a small bunch of purple flowers that he was hiding behind his back, he tells me they are from his
mother and father's stall as he points to a cart in the distance. I can see the stall, full of colorful flowers. I take the
flowers from him and smell them, they have a lovely sweet smell which makes me smile.
The boy asks me how I am and how long since we arrived at the
market, I tell him about the cheese and make a suggestion that he should go get some for himself. He takes me by the hand
and asks me to go with him, but I hesitate, worried about Papi and whether he will see us together. The boy tells me not to
worry as he gives a gentle tug on my arm, so I look back and see my Papi in the distance. He seems to be occupied with customers,
so I agree to go with the boy, but not for too long.
We walk away from the market and across the road is a big open
square. There is a grassy mound in the middle with a big leafy tree. We head towards it and sit down against the trunk with
the leaves shading us from the baking hot sun.
The boy places his arm around my shoulder and starts twirling
my hair around his fingers with one hand, and with the other he is tracing little circles on the back of my hand. I put my
head on his shoulder and we sit quietly together, watching the activity in the market, and just enjoying the moment together.
I feel like I could stay here forever, but we can't stay long because Papi will soon become worried about me.